Racoon and Possum running through my mind

As you may have gathered, my thoughts often revolve around the recent and not so recent past. That being said, I've been finding myself intently reminiscing about my grandparents lately. When I was a young boy living in California, many an afternoon was spent at their house in Ontario, which was located on a busy street named Mission Boulevard. Back then, there was nothing I loved more than relaxing on the porch with my grandfather. We would while away the hours, sipping on soda and watching the trains in the distance roll by. During those afternoons, Grandpa would share stories about his youth, as well as an infinite array of life experiences.


Sometimes when there was a lull in the conversation, he would entertain me by yodeling, whistling, and singing old songs. Many of those songs are permanently burned into my brain, and often manifest themselves when I think of dear old granddad. However, there's one song in particular that I often whistle and hum to this very day.

Throw them 'simmons down
A "simmon" aka persimmon, is a wonderful fruit that somewhat resembles a tomato in color and shape.  The varieties I remember eating, kind of mimicked a plum in flavor.  My Grandfather used to sing a song about them that I used to love, and it went like this..


Possum in the 'simmon tree, Racoon on the ground..

Racoon shouts to the possum, throw them 'simmons down.

Throw them Simmons down.. throw them 'simmons down..

Racoon shouts to the possum, throw them 'simmons down.  


That's all there was to it.. a catchy little tune that always made me giggle and laugh. Every last detail about the way my Grandfather used to sing it, is permanently housed in my data banks. I can still vividly recall the way we held his pitch, tone, and even the speed he sang it.

I never thought much about the origin of this song, but always assumed he picked it up somewhere in the south. I decided to do a little research on the song, as well as persimmon trees, and was amused at the info I came across online. It's apparently well documented that possums love persimmon trees and their ripened persimmon fruit, as do racoons. I was elated to find the title and full lyrics to the song my Grandfather used to sing to me. Here's the skinny..

Raccoon's Got a Bushy Tail

Raccoon's got a bushy tail,

Possum's tail goes bare,

Rabbit's got no tail at all

Just a little old bunch of hair.

Raccoon is a mighty man,

He rambles through the dark,

You ought to see him hunt his den

When he hears Old Ranger bark.

Possum up persimmon tree,

Raccoon on the ground,

Raccoon says to possum,

"Won't you shake them 'simmons down."

Rabbit up in the gum stump,

'Coon in the holler,

Possum in the 'tater patch,

Fat as he can waller.



Raccoon's got a bushy tail,

Possum's tail goes bare,

Rabbit's got no tail at all

Just a little old bunch of hair.

I was surprised to learn that it was a five verse folk song that was originally sung by Pete
Seeger. Seeger released 28 songs and stories about animals on two short LP
records in 1955. The only instrument played in the song was a banjo, which gives me some added insight as to why my Grandpa loved the song so much.

It doesn't surprise me that Grandpa's version of the song is so different from the official version above. Grandpa most likely sung the song as he remembered it, or wanted to remember it. He got a real kick out of singing it, so maybe it was his favorite verse. That's how old folk songs and stories are sometimes. Liberties are taken with them, and the changes end up sticking over the years. I'm just happy the verse Grandpa used to sing, was in tact enough for me to dig up some history on this song.

In the end I'm more partial to Grandpa's version, but it was very satisfying to learn the history behind the song that we both loved so much.

By the way.. I'd be remiss if I didn't thank Smithsonian Folkways  for providing me with some back history, and links to buy "Racoon's got a bushy tail" and many other great folk songs written by Pete Seeger.

BIGFOOT - Childhood obsession & lifelong friendship

As a child growing up in the 70s, I witnessed Bigfoot fever firsthand. The now infamous Patterson-Gimlin Bigfoot video shot in 1967, started an obsession with the cryptid that carried on from the 70s to present day. I remember learning of Bigfoot for the first time on an old TV show called 'In Search Of'. It was a show hosted by actor Leonard Nimoy, that covered all sorts of unexplained mysteries and phenomenon. 

While the TV shows and news outlets shared sightings and stories, I got super interested when a sighting was reported in the Red Feather lakes area of Colorado, located about an hour away from where I grew up in Fort Collins. During my youth, our family camped in the Red Feather Lakes area, and I was always on the lookout for the big guy. 

At the ripe old age of ten, I would set out on secret solo Bigfoot hunting expeditions during our camping trips. I must admit that I got in my own head many a time whilst alone in the wilderness, or in my tent at night. There were several occasions when I heard/felt strong footsteps close by as well as hearing huge branches being snapped like twigs. Granted, this was also where Colorado Parks and Wildlife released Moose into the wild, and by the mid 80s, they were very abundant in the area.

I remember drawing WANTED type posters with my rendition of Bigfoot and taping them to my bedroom wall. Many a night I fell asleep staring at the drawings I made, wondering if there were the slightest chance he existed. My family didn't celebrate holidays when I was growing up, so I never had any lore like Santa, Leprechauns, the Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy to believe in. In a way, Bigfoot was the only legend in my childhood that I halfway believed in, and held out hope for his existence.

My old 'Fouke Monster' ceramic school project

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, I took a ceramics class at school. I had heard of a new (to me) Bigfoot sighting in Arkansas, and this one attacked a family. It was spotted in Fouke Arkansas, hence his name. You can see my nine year old brain failed at phonetically trying to spell out his name in the clay. 

The Fouke Monster is also known as the Boggy Creek Monster and Swamp Stalker. The town has capitalized on the legend, having festivals and businesses dedicated to Fouke Monster merch.

Fast forward to adulthood. While I've been alive long enough to definitely experience some weirdness and unexplained phenomenon, I'm no conspiracy theorist. I'm from the school of I want to believe.. but my brain requires hard evidence. That however, certainly does not mean that I'm no longer a fan of Bigfoot and anything to do with it.

I'm a sucker for any kind of Bigfoot pop culture gimmick. Just look at some of the stuff I've gladly spent my hard earned money on over the years.

BIGFOOT PIZZA
from Pizza Hut

No.. that's not a young Billy Crystal, it's some cat that people called 'The Pizza Hut Guy'.  And for a time from 1993 to the mid 90s, he pedaled Pizza Hut's newest creation BIGFOOT Pizza! This pizza was Pizza Hut's answer to Little Caesar's 'Pizza Pizza' promotion, which even came in similar packaging. Pizza Hut's pie however, was one huge pizza that measured about two square feet. 

The advertising campaign was quite ingenious. People would run around screaming their lungs out, and the Pizza Hut Guy would pop up screaming "IT'S BIGFOOT!". I fell for this gimmick hook, line and sinker, and bought a crazy amount of BIGFOOT Pizza over the years. I really do miss that pizza, but then again, I also really miss the way Pizza Hut Pizza used to taste back in the day.

SASQUATCH PIZZA

I've bought this 3 pound frozen pizza a couple of times. 

In the end, the gimmick was way better than the pie.

BIGFOOT Lunchbox

This lunchbox graces a shelf in my office. I don't use this for lunch although maybe I should. I love the scene of this socially distanced Bigfoot just chilling in the Rockies, leisurely watching a fisherman (and Nessie). That scene reminds me so much of the wilderness I grew up camping in.

BIGFOOT Air Freshener
Pine.. not BIGFOOT scented

BIGFOOT Action Figure

My Bob's Burgers BEEF SQUATCH Tee

Sasquatch Sweat Soap

I can attest this does not grow hair

One of my favorite caps in my current lineup

Gotta represent my home state

Great Divide Brewing's YETI Stout

Great Divide Brewing in Denver Colorado makes a wonderful Imperial Stout, my favorite in fact. They also have a killer logo for the beer, and I jump at the chance to buy any of their special edition beers and YETI merch I can find.

BIGFOOT SOCK CO.

I'm crazy about this company's BIGFOOT socks, and want every pair they make.

Bigfoot Socks Online

I'm not exaggerating when I say this is just a portion of things I've squandered my money on over the years. Bigfoot lore to me now is just fun, and his appearances in pop culture are usually entertaining and lighthearted. 

My adult self wonders about the ancient carvings, totems, and cave drawings that feature sasquatch type beings. I also often wonder why there's a law stating that it's illegal to kill a Bigfoot in Canada. 🤔 I guess the kid in me wants to still believe, and my ears do perk up whenever a news story makes the rounds about a Bigfoot sighting.

Until I learn any different, I'll still make the occasional comment that Bigfoot exists. My bride will roll her eyes as she always has, my kids will giggle and agree with me just to tick Mom off, and we'll all have a good laugh. Real or not, Bigfoot has made for some great memories and entertainment over the years, and indeed made life a bit more colorful, mysterious, and entertaining for this particular boring Gen Xer.

A walk down memory lane while decluttering - Lockdown Day 47

I've finally started cleaning and organizing the sections of my house that I've been putting off forever.  As I dig through boxes, closets and drawers, I've come across a few pictures and items that made me pause a moment to reminisce.

Photos from Disney MGM Backlot Tour in 1990

 Snow Speeder and Dessert Skiff from Return of the Jedi

 The Golden Girls House

 Coyote-X stunt car from Hardcastle and McCormick next to a Mad Max style car

 A BMX Bike I was building around 1983

My childhood mid 70s Dusty Baker baseball Mitt

Old bookmarks made by my kids long ago. I can even remember the books I was reading while using them. They were Hagakure the Book of the Samurai, and three Clive Cussler novels (Blue Gold, Valhalla Rising and Havana Storm). All great books, but I loved that these bookmarks were the last thing I saw, as I closed the books at night before going to bed.

Disney World park tickets from 1992  (I miss those prices)

Such vivid memories were immediately brought back when looking at these items.  I have great memories from vacations, and flashbacks to simpler times.  I have lots more stuff to go through on my mission to de-clutter and downsize.  I can't wait to see what other items I find that I forgot about in recent years.  I'll make sure to post more unique and interesting finds as I come across them.

Old school charcoal grilling - Lockdown Day 41

I normally only grilled about once or twice a month before lockdown. However, my gas grill was put out to pasture a few months back.  I always meant to buy a new one, but to me it wasn't a necessity so I kept putting it off.  Now that I am spending all of my time at home, I've been getting the itch to start grilling more.  Unfortunately, I'm now furloughed, with no hope of accessing the busted and disgusted Florida unemployment system anytime soon, so I can't afford a new Grill whilst pinching my pennies.  However.. I did free up enough scrilla to buy a charcoal grill for under $20.00.  I ordered it at Wal Mart and they brought it out to me during my grocery pickup last week.

While I turned my nose up at char grilling years ago, I was kind of excited to try my hand at it once again.  My Dad spent hours teaching me the intricacies of how to properly grill from the time I was eight years old, so I was confident I could grill up a good meal for my family.  The biggest turn off to charcoal grills once I was an adult, ended up being the time it took to grill a meal.  Now that I've got nothing but time, this isn't a factor any longer and I'm excited to use some of my time to char-grill once again. So what meal did I chose to cook for my inaugural charcoal grill session?  Why.. the great American backyard BBQ staple, Hamburgers of course!

The new Grill working like a charm

All of the char-grilling techniques came back to me pretty quickly.  With no charcoal starter contraptions except lighter fluid, I knew the longest part of the whole process was going to be getting the coals ready.  I mounded the coals into a volcano looking structure, soaked them with lighter fluid, waited 5 minutes, and lit them up.  It was at about the 20 minute mark that I was sorry I skimped on the charcoal, buying a cheaper generic brand.

Never go cheap on your charcoal
My Dad always told me to buy Kingsford charcoal, and I now see why.  It wasn't hard to get the charcoal glowing red and white on the inside of my volcano tower, but the briquettes were incredibly stingy about sharing and distributing their heat with their neighbors.  My bride had some hand held bamboo fans on the patio, so I grabbed one and fanned the coals for about ten minutes until my arm felt like it was going to fall off.

Once the charcoal briquettes were flaming red and glowing white hot, I spread them out and let them alone for about five minutes.  I then closed up the grill, letting the heat sterilize the cooking surface.  I was pleased to see I poured out exactly the right amount of charcoal to cook up a dozen burgers.  That is just something that comes back to you like muscle memory.  I know a lot of folks that hate char grilling because they say it's too easy to burn your food.  I would agree with that statement IF.. you walk away and don't pay attention to what you're doing.  My Old Man always said.. "Grilling is all about patience" and this is so very true. If you're rushed, irritated, or not 100% invested in what you're doing, your meal will probably at least be sub par.

I remember my Dad grilling only on weekends.  He would work hard all week, and it truly was a type of therapy for him.  He was in his element, he was a master, and it truly brought him joy to prepare any type of meal for us on the grill.  If we were eating dinner at 5:00, he would begin his process at 3:00.  He would start by pulling out the grill and cleaning it up.  He would then arrange all of the charcoal, allowing for proper airflow.  A trick he used was to grab small thin pieces of wood scraps from his wood shop in the garage, strategically separating the charcoal layer by layer.  I remember not being able to walk anywhere near that towering inferno of charcoal for fear of singing the eyebrows off of my face.

Finally, he would spread the charcoal out evenly and would tell me.. "It's still not ready yet.  You need to let it sit for awhile so the insides of the charcoal get hot too.  If only the outside of the charcoal is white, they will go out and get cold when the grease and juices from the meat start dripping on them".  In the meantime, he would carefully prepare the meat, sprinkling it with Lawry's seasoned salt and other spices.  When the meat was finally cooked he'd tell me "We're not done yet!  We need to let the meat rest and clean the grill up.  Let the heat do the work for you! Scrape and brush your grill before the charcoal cools down".


One year around the 4th of July, I had a Black Cat firecracker that ended up being a dud.  The fuse disappeared into the firecracker, but it never exploded.  I decided to throw it into the pile of hot charcoal thinking it would immediately pop off.  At least a minute had passed and it didn't blow up, so I assumed it was an all out dud.  My Dad then came out to check on the coals, and the firecracker finally blew up, spitting coal and ashes straight up into the air.  I thought for sure I was going to get in major trouble, but my Old Man jumped back and said "Hmm.. one of those pieces of pine must have had a lot of water in it".  I never did tell him it was a firecracker, but maybe I will one of these days.  He'd probably get a kick out of it.. now.

Yes, char-grilling is definitely a bit time consuming compared to gas grilling, but I must admit, the meat has a totally different taste.  The burgers I made on my new charcoal grill were possibly the best tasting hamburgers I've ever grilled.  I didn't do anything fancy either.  I just rubbed the patties with garlic salt and sprinkled them with Worcestershire sauce before grilling them up.  In the end, I threw some quality cheddar slices on each patty during their last minute on the grill.  My family raved about them, and that made me happier than all get out.

It does take more time to char-grill, but the whole process makes me slow down and focus on what I'm doing.  The satisfaction I get out of crafting an incredible meal is great, and everything about it to me is very calming.  The walk down memory lane it provided me was priceless, and I can't wait to charcoal grill once again.

Yes, I am a child of the 70s, 80s, AND 90s

Shawn Robare, the author of one of my favorite retro themed websites.. Branded in the 80s touched upon a point in his most recent article, that I've been pondering on lately.  He talked about how even though he was a child of the 80s, there were a lot of things about the 1990s that felt very much like his experiences when he was younger.  This is exactly the way I feel for a few different reasons.  

I've used the tag line 'Child of the 70s, 80s and 90s' for myself on different social media platforms from time to time over the years.  I say this because I was born in 1970, so I experienced my childhood through both decades of the 70s and 80s.  My son was born in 1990, so I kind of never stopped enjoying a pop culture generated for kids.  I would buy him toys and action figures that we would play together with for hours on end.  I also watched cartoons and kids programming with him that in turn led us to go out and buy more toys geared towards those properties.  


To be honest, I could even push the envelope farther and say I was like a big kid for much of the 2000s! When the Star Wars prequels hit, my son became interested in that fandom, and it was like I was living my whole childhood over again (but this time with an expendable income).  When my daughters were born, I watched more cartoons and kids programming, and had a blast doing so with them.  Nickelodeon and Disney programming ruled our Television during that time for sure.


People I've known in the past, have thought it was kind of weird for me to know so much about the cartoons and shows that my kids watched.  Kids I work with are truly taken back that a guy their parents age, knows the pop culture from when they were young, backwards and forwards.  My bride asked me once, how can you stand watching all those kids shows?  I told her "Sure they are packaged for kids, but who do you think is writing them?  It's people around my age.  I can see through the fluff and simplicity to find the humor and entertainment value in it.  In some cases, the comedy really does speak to me".

Here's a short list of some shows I inadvertently got hooked on because of my kiddos:

• Batman the Animated Series
• Disney Afternoon Shows
• The Adventures of Pete and Pete
• Legends of the Hidden Temple
• Hey Arnold
• Doug
• Rugrats
• Eerie Indiana
• Are you Afraid of the Dark?
• Adventure Time
• Regular Show
• Drake & Josh
• Spongebob
• Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide
• Teen Titans (Not Teen Titans GO)
• The Amazing World of Gumball

In turn, I also got my kids hooked on a few shows that I am a fan of..

• Mystery Science Theater 3000 (My son is an absolute mega fan now)
• Disney's Zorro
• Jonny Quest
• Death Note (Anime)
• Svengoolie
• ANYTHING Star Wars related
• The Office
• Parks and Rec
• Curb your Enthusiasm

While I definitely have an affinity for the decades of the 80s, 90s, and 1st decade of the 2000s.. I feel like I'm pretty well versed in pop culture from the 60s to present day.  My friends always enjoyed having me on their bar trivia teams, to do cleanup when it came to arts and entertainment questions.  On occasion, they would praise me for my knowledge of random facts, and I'd just laugh and tell them I was born with a brain that was wired to collect and store useless information.  If there's something that entertains me or I geek out over, it gets locked away in the old memory banks.  If its something I have no use for, or detest.. I can easily wipe it from the hard drive, freeing up valuable space.

As a kid I lived a bit of a stressful childhood, but always felt at peace when I could play with my toys, enjoy my favorite television shows, or simply read a book.  A lot of people forget how to de-stress and reconnect with their inner child.  Stress isn't something that I can turn off like a switch, but the conduit for me to do so is definitely always there. I can usually easily get back to that childlike zen state, by doing things I love like collecting, writing, reading, biking, and several other hobbies I enjoy.

This blog has been a lifesaver during this pandemic, serving as a pressure release valve of sorts. I do however want to write more articles soon about my love of the recent past.  Keep an eye on this space if retro pop culture is your thing!

Bathroom humor - clever retro sayings for bowel movements

Back in my day.. it seemed like our grandfathers, dads, uncles, and older brothers, had an endless array of ingenious terminology for going number two.  Here's the top ten I've heard over the years that particularly stand out the most in my mind ..

Evacuating the premises

Laying a brick

Paying the band

Brown bear exiting his cave

Dropping your guts

Spray painting the porcelain

Releasing the hounds

Releasing a sewer snake

Dropping the kids off at the pool

Growing a tail

And this is just a short list!  There's many more (some of which I can't repeat here).  Perhaps I'll post some more subdued phrases here at some point.

Dad's Retro phrase of the week

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall"

Isn't this the absolute truth?  From bullies to corporations, the more prominent or powerful they are..  the more difficult it is for them when they lose their power!

4 things we never knew we needed, not so very long ago

It's amazing how spoiled we are in this day and age of technology.  Kids may wonder how we ever survived in the dark ages of the 1970's and 80's!  Here's a few examples of things many have come to feel they simply can't live without..


Cell Phones
Hooray!  Now you can be connected to everyone you know 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, not to mention full blown access to the internet.  You can even keep tabs on junior every minute he's away from you.  I've noticed lately that when I carry my cell, I'm mindlessly filling in spare time by texting, checking e-mail, or updating social network status's.  Sometimes it gets to be a bit much, and I will purposely leave the electronic ball and chain at home for the afternoon, or at the very least.. turn it off.  When I do so, it feels as if a weight has been lifted and I can better relax.  Nothing breaks the peacefulness of a 5 mile walk like getting bombarded by texts.

Don't get me wrong.. I'm not knocking cell phones, and I too have been guilty of "checking in" on my kids while they're out for the evening just to make sure everything is okay.  It's just such a sharp contrast to the days when I used to leave the house on on my bicycle on Saturday morning, and not be seen again until dinner time.  Cell phones are also invaluable in emergencies like accidents and car breakdowns.  I once had to walk ten miles on a busy interstate to a pay phone because I had a flat tire.  I don't want my kids to have to do that.  Cell phones are a God send in many ways, but I can see people replacing much of the real human connection we used to have, for the super fast and easy means of communication we now enjoy with our smart phones.

Flat Screen TV's
This is one piece of technology I've always been excited about!  I have a 40 inch screen television I carried out of the store with one hand.  I have an old 32 inch screen in the house that nearly gives me a hernia every time I lift it.  I wonder how many people have blown out  their backs, or have broken their toes over the years while moving around TV's that weigh 60 pounds or more.

Razors with five.. Count em' FIVE blades!
If you would have told me as a young man that we'd someday have razors with five blades, I would have laughed my head off.  Really.. FIVE Blades?!?  Until you personally have to shave every day, this might sound like overkill.  I love these razors, and can't believe how safely and closely they shave.  I shave with an old single blade adjustable razor that you buy replacement blades for.  No matter how careful I am, or how slowly I shave.. I occasionally end up having to put at least one or two pieces of toilet paper on my face to stop some bleeding.  I can't say that I've ever cut myself shaving with razors like the Gillette Fusion razor.  If they weren't so dang expensive, it would probably be my go-to razor.  However.. I'm cheap, and I don't mind slowing my pace of life for fifteen minutes to get a nice close shave with my forty year old adjustable razor.

Google
I would have killed to have Google when I was in school!  We had a complete set of encyclopedias from the late 1950's that I would scour through to do research for school assignments.  If they didn't have the info I was looking for, it was off to the library to search through a newer set.  Once you found the info you needed, you had to copy the info (using a pen or pencil kids) to paper.  Now in mere seconds, you can look up info using Google, copy it, paste it, and print it out!  The ease of obtaining information like this makes me wonder how grammar, spelling, accuracy of history, and literacy as whole, might suffer in the decades to come.  I swear though.. it's great to get an answer to practically any question that pops into your head, in mere seconds.


I could go on for days like this!  While the good old days were indeed good.. we've made a lot of changes for the better as well.  Technology can be a blessing and a curse.  As long as we collectively try to improve our life for the better while keeping in mind the long term effects, we should be okay.  Easier said than done at this point, but we can keep our fingers crossed.

Dad's Retro phrase of the week..

"Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea"

-unknown 

Dad's retro phrase of the week..

"Crap or get off the pot"

Meaning.. hurry up!  

A saying that I don't often hear too much these days (at least from folks under the age of forty).

Why I cut my kids a little slack when it comes to procrastinating on science projects..

 

Here it is.  A last minute project I finished just minutes before my first period biology class in 8th grade.   I had a full week and a three day weekend to complete my construction of a plant cell, but as so many kids do.. I put it off and forgot about it until I woke up on Monday morning.  

At 6:30 a.m. I ran out to my old man's wood shop, and started scrounging for anything I could find.  I needed to construct something.. anything, so as not to get a big fat zero in the grade book.  I grabbed a piece of pine half buried beneath a pile of sawdust, and ran inside.  I scarfed down a bowl of Wheaties, got dressed, grabbed a hand full of markers, and ran to the bus stop.

After I boarded the school bus, I opened up my biology textbook, sat it next to me on the seat, and quickly began to transfer the likeness of a plant cell to the piece of pine on my lap.  It wasn't until trying to draw on a school bus, that I realized how bumpy of a ride they had.  I found myself praying for red traffic lights, and slow load times at every bus stop.  When the bus wasn't moving, I would draw with lightning speed.  When it was moving, I'd use my time for carefully coloring in shapes.

I got into class five minutes early, and spent that time labeling the different parts of the plant cell, and adding a few more accents so as to make it look like I had worked hard on my project.  The first thing Mr. Wertz did after roll call, was ask for the entire class to turn their projects in.  When I walked up to the desk and handed my plant cell made from pine to him, he looked at it, slowly stuck out his bottom lip, and uttered a slow "Hmmmm".  Walking back to my desk, I was sure I had instantly failed, but was relieved that I wasn't going to receive an incomplete grade.  

Imagine my surprise when our projects were given back to us at the end of the week, and discovered I scored a B-minus on my plant cell!  I've kept this project for the last 26 years, and I shake my head and smile every time I see it.  How the heck did I get a grade of B-minus for this project?!?  I wonder if Mr. Wertz felt sorry for me?  Maybe he thought my family was underprivileged and a slab of pine was all we could afford.  Maybe he just admired my skill at throwing something together last minute.  Whatever the case, I felt like I got away with a fast one, and was ecstatic about the grade.

I can't count how many times my kids have waited until Sunday afternoon to tell me I need to take them to the hobby store for a project that's due on Monday.  This always irks me, but I always try my best to cut them a little slack.  After all, I've been there before, and good planning is something that will come with age and experience.

Crap that's stuck in my head. The retro pop culture phrase.. "How do you Dooooooo?"

As a young boy, my friends and I would greet each other on occasion with an exuberant "How do you doooooooo?"  What's more, we always did so in our best fake foreign accents.  We had all heard our older siblings, uncles, fathers, actors, comedians, and cartoon characters utter this very phrase.  However, none of us knew where said phrase came from.  Heck..  I've wondered where the phrase originated from for most of my life.  Now.. thirty some odd years later, I finally put two and two together and figured out the mystery.


One of my favorite XM Satellite radio stations is Radio Classics, which plays old time radio shows non stop.   While listening to one of my favorite shows called Duffy's Tavern.. a character whom bar patrons referred to as The Mad Russian, uttered "How do you Dooooooooo?" as he entered the bar, bring an instantaneous roar of laughter from the audience.  It was during the shows closing credits, that I learned the part of The Mad Russian was played by actor Bert Gordon.

Gordon broke onto the Vaudeville scene in 1914, and got into performing in radio during the 1930's.  He appeared throughout the early 40's in both films and radio as his character "The Mad Russian." The actor's character was known for his "steel wool" haircut, ears that wiggled, and of course his famous catch phrases, "How do you do" and "Do you mean it?".  Gordon's tag lines and likeness even appeared in several Warner Bros. cartoons of the period such as the Bugs Bunny cartoon Hare Ribbin'.  Gordon's career was all but over by 1950, and his last filmed appearance was in a 1964 episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show in which he played himself.

So there you have it my friends.. a brief insight into the phrase "How Do you Dooooo?"  Next time you hear this obscure phrase (and believe me.. someday you will) you can share some insight on the matter with anyone that happens to be within earshot!

6 retro phrases that I miss hearing..

I'm old school. I know know it, I'm fine with it, and I own it. This old school attitude also carries over into my linguistics, and I occasionally catch young punks people off guard with older sayings I utter. It didn't dawn on me until recently, that many of the phrases I use are quite old. I guess it should come as no surprise, because my parents and grand parents are where I learned most of them.

In no particular order, here are some old sayings I truly miss hearing but still use on a regular basis.

Fair to Middlin'
My grandfather used to love this one.  When I'm asked how I'm doing by an older person, or a Good Ol' Boy from down south or back east, I respond with "Fair to Middlin'". They get a kick out of it, and they totally recognize the old saying. Apparently the word Middling had to do with the best grade of cotton in the old days. Therefore, Fair to middlin' means you're somewhere between fair and very good. 

That really gets my goat!
For some reason, horses can act calmer and be less stressed with goats in their company. Race horses are no exception, and were often boarded with goats for this reason. A horse can get irritated or upset if their goat companion is taken away from them, which is supposedly how this saying came to life.

Blow your cap
Not sure of the origin on this one, but my friends and I always used to say it when we were referring to getting angry, or losing ones cool.

Judas Priest!!
Used in place of taking Jesus Christ's name in vain when angry. A lot of my childhood friends fathers and grandfathers used this one quite regularly.

They're 100 pounds soaking wet with 10 pound boots on.
Used in reference to scrawny, skinny, or petite folks.

Son of a biscuit!
Used in place of the uncouth alternative. Mind you.. this is a widely used saying in my workplace. One of my workmates who is a bit older, uses this very phrase along with "Shucks" as alternatives to foul language. Others at our company found it so amusing, that everyone who knows him has started repeating the phrases in lieu of using profanity!

I've got tons more, but I'm really dying to learn what old sayings and phrases you personally love, miss, and still use to this day. Let's hear them!

The retro phrase.. "Light a match"

Light a Match
 
[ lyght - a - mach ]

retro phrase

1. The act of striking a match and letting it burn after one is finished expelling bodily waste. A means of bathroom etiquette used to eradicate unpleasant lingering odors produced by ones own excrement.

I'll let you in on a little secret.  I sometimes challenge myself to use various retro phrases in my daily context five times during a day.  Surprisingly, I found that the phrase "Light a match" wasn't too hard to work into conversation.  Living in a house with a family of five, and given some of the guys I work with..  the task was indeed all too easy.


I remember this phrase being used quite a bit when I was a young boy.  I also recall lots of people practicing this nearly extinct form of bathroom etiquette.  As memories go, family gatherings and parties stand out the most, in regards to this.  When my family used to get together, the house would literally be bursting at the seams.  We'd have spreads of food big enough to feed a small army, and everyone always ate their fill.  Shortly after dessert was when foot traffic to the bathroom steadily began increasing.  In fact, it's probably safe to say that the commode was pretty much occupied for the rest of the evening.

I remember some of my aunts telling their husbands discreetly to "light a match" after they were finished.  My uncles on the other hand, would not so discreetly say things to the kids like..  "Geezaloo! Get back in this bathroom and light a match!".  That type of bathroom humor always got everyone in earshot laughing their heads off.


Mind you, the smell of sulfur dioxide burning from the tip of a match isn't the most pleasant odor.  However, it sure beats what lingers in the air after a person is done making a deposit, or.. taking a load off of their mind.  The sulfur overpowers and even knocks out the toughest of stench.  Although.. I've known a few folks who could stand to light an extra match after they're done vacating the premises.



I can only relate the decline in this practice to a matchbook shortage.  Back in the day, virtually every business gave away free matchbooks.  My old man always had matchbook's in his cars, the garage, the junk drawer, the medicine cabinet, and he didn't even smoke.

I've got to say, this is one of my old man's habits that has indeed rubbed off on me, and yes.. I keep a matchbook in my bathroom at all times.  On occasion, the kids walk into the bathroom, hold their nose, and complain about the smell of a struck match.  I just laugh and kindly remind them that they should be thanking me for doing this.

What ever happened to just a Good Ol' fashioned OREO?

Okay kids, here I go again.  Back in my day, we had two types of OREO cookies.  The regular OREO, and the Double Stuff OREO.  I went into the store the other day and had trouble finding a plain honest to goodness package of OREO's, but not for the reasons you might think.  This is why..

I've really got to be in the mood for cookies like this.

 These have never excited me in any way, shape, or form.

I'm Double-y not excited

Still nothing..

Not a big chocolate guy so these do nothing for me.
My bride would beg to differ.

These could be really good.. 
or really bad

These piqued my interest.
Just not enough to buy em'

Getting closer..

Let's flip a coin.. or cookie.

These look fun, and probably have a nice taste to the filling.

I'd rather have ice cream..

Ditto.

 This was unique enough to warrant a taste.

Surprisingly, they were pretty good!

You can read my review here

The only type of mint cookies I ever eat are sold by girl scouts. I just can't see these stacking up against Thin Mints.

These were too sweet for my blood. I'm not sure if they make these any longer, but the bride really used to dig them though.

Golden OREO and Golden Birthday Cake Fudge Cremes

Double Stuff and Coconut Delight Fudge Cremes

DOUBLE Chocolate fudge OREO Fudge Cremes

Now these are cool!  Perfect for Super Bowl parties.

They should make these for every sport.

Trust me when I say that there were more pictures I could have snapped besides these.  I was simply going into OREO overload, and gave up.  I had no clue there were so many OREO varieties on the market at once.  I mean.. this one brand of cookie could rightly fill its very own aisle in the supermarket.  Heck.. I've already seen seasonal and holiday varieties of OREO's popping up on shelves.

I don't mind limited edition runs of food products, but this really seems like overkill to me.   I'm sure there are folks out there that try every single new OREO cookie that's released to market.  I'm not one of those people (anymore).  I used to try anything that was new just for the sake of trying it.  Now I'm more selective and buy based on my personal tastes, with the occasional impulse buy due to sheer curiosity.

What about you?  Have you tried any or all of these cookies pictured above?  If so.. I'd love to hear about your OREO adventures.