The Retro Dad

I woke up today feeling completely off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Nothing felt wrong, but nothing felt right either. As I drove to work, absolutely nothing sounded appealing. Not eating. Not drinking. Not talking. Not even listening to music. I ended up driving for a full 30 minutes in total silence because I didn’t want anything stimulating my brain.  I  just sat in the quiet and rolled with it. In fact, there were several points where I started telling myself.." OK.. that's enough! Time to start pulling out of this so I can get on with my day". And I knew that I could, but I chose not to. I chose to remain in that space A small part of me wondered if this was depression creeping in or if I was somehow spiraling. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t. I know myself well enough to recognize when something is seriously wrong versus when something just feels “off.” So I started analyzing the feeling. I paid attention to what it was and what it wasn’t. I did a little reading...

When I was a kid, I remember my parents watching the old Pink Panther movies featuring the bumbling Inspector Clouseau. My parents, aunts and uncles would be laughing their heads off while they sat around the TV. I could kind of see the humor, but the movies were a little too dry for me back then. What I did love were the Pink Panther cartoons. I watched those regularly. I always knew the cartoon and the movies had to be connected somehow. I just never understood the details and honestly, as a kid, I didn't care. The big pink cat was enough for me. I always gravitated towards cartoon characters that were optimists, chill, and even keeled.. even if it was to their detriment at times. The Pink panther was all of these and I was a really big fan. I learned how to draw him at an early age and over the years worked his likeness into many and art project at school, that always ended up earning me easy A's. Heck.. on occasion, I still doodle and sketch him out to this very...

Remembering The Fat Boys — 2025 Edition This is an updated version of a post I originally wrote in 2021 It’s 2025, and every time I press play on an old Fat Boys tape (or vinyl, or digital rip) I’m reminded why the trio of Prince Markie Dee, Kool Rock Ski, and Buff Love (The Human Beat Box) weren’t just a  novelty act. They changed how a lot of us heard rap, and how a lot of rap heard itself. I simply blows my mind that its been 41 years since I first witnessed their rap prowess. They weren’t trying to be cool in the narrow sense. They were just being themselves. Big personalities. Big appetites. Humor as loud as their beats. To a lot of us, especially the guys who didn’t fit the lean image, they offered something important: pride, fun, and confidence without needing to look like anyone else. Origins: From 'The Disco' 3 to Hip Hop Pioneers Before they were The Fat Boys, they were The Disco 3. Three friends from Brooklyn trying to make something happen. Kool Rock and Markie...

I graduated to digital watches around 1980, right when my Mickey Mouse watch started feeling a little too “kidsy” for me. My uncle gave me a Hewlett Packard digital watch with bright red LED display that flashed on with the push of a button. That thing felt like future tech strapped to my wrist. When it eventually died, my old man picked up a Pulsar digital watch for me, and I wore that one out just as fast. Looking back, those early digital watches were straight up tech marvels . For the time, nothing felt more advanced. They were the closest thing we had to a smartwatch. As a kid, wearing a watch loaded with functions made you feel like James Bond or a time traveler. Over the years I went through all kinds of digital watches. I loved the stopwatch functions and timed everything — how long I could hold my breath.. to how long my old man hogged the bathroom. Totally unrelated, but both were important metrics. And the backlights? I used them constantly, even when I didn’t need to. Cas...

I woke up this morning with a weird feeling. Not bad. Not great. Just off. Out of sorts. The kind of feeling where you know something is different, but it takes a minute to figure out what it is. I used to have a routine on Thanksgiving morning. It was automatic. I would get up early, put on a hoodie, and head over to the convenience store to grab the two biggest newspapers in the area. Not for the news. For the Black Friday ads. That was the real prize. I would grab a coffee, maybe some donuts, and then head home. Once I got back, it was time for the annual mega breakfast. Biscuits and gravy. Bacon. Eggs. Sausage. Hash browns. Pancakes, maybe some grits. It was a once a year kind of breakfast and it always felt like the perfect way to start the day. Then I would spread out the newspapers and start digging through the ads while the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade played in the background. That was my morning. It felt right. It felt like Thanksgiving. Now I look around and no...

When I was a kid back in the '80s.. ShowBiz Pizza Place was a kid’s paradise. Pizza, games, and the Rock-afire Explosion band putting on a flawless mechanical show. For me, it was like my own little Disneyland way out west in 1980s Northern Colorado. The smells, the laughter, the arcade lights, it was pure magic. You can read why it was so important to me here  in an old post from 2018. During the day, everything seemed perfectly normal. The animatronics danced, sang, and entertained without a hitch. Kids laughed. Parents relaxed. And employees went about their jobs without a second thought. But for the night shift, things were a little different. My brother had a friend named Rob who worked there and swore the animatronics “changed” after the doors were locked. “They would jerk or move suddenly. One night, someone was cleaning the stage when Mitzi, the cheerleading mouse, flailed her arm and knocked him off his feet. Sent him flying about four feet across the floor stage” I...

Growing up, I saw plenty of cereals trying to pass themselves off as “healthy,” but one always made me stop aghast in the cereal aisle. It didn’t look fun, it didn’t look kid friendly, it looked like something you would scoop into a bowl on the floor. When it first hit the market in 1977 , nothing else looked quite like it. That unforgettable champion was Cracklin’ Oat Bran . In fact, it actually stopped me in my tracks once again today in the supermarket some 48 years later.  I remember when this stuff showed up and how shocked I was that it was meant for actual human consumption. To my kid brain, it looked exactly like cat food. Same color, same shape, same energy. And it’s not like my mom fed us sugary junk. I grew up on Buckwheats and Wheaties, the classic “be good, eat this” cereals. But nothing in our pantry ever looked as aggressively adult as the Raisin Bran, Total, and Special K lineup. Those were the cereals that felt like they came with tax advice. Fast forward to toda...

It's inevitable.  This time of year I end up watching Home Alone about a hundred and fifty times.  Home Alone had some incredible product placement throughout the movie, and.. every time I see those products, it gets me missing them.   Here they are.. 1.)  Crunch Tators In the scene when Kevin is eating junk and watching rubbish i.e.; 'Angels With Filthy Souls' , you can see a bag of 'Crunch Tators' sitting on the end table next to him.  Made by Frito-Lay and sold during the late 80s and early 90s, these chips were incredible!  I absolutely loved these super crispy potato chips!  While I was actually more partial to the jalapeno flavored version, the Mesquite flavor was good as well.  They had an incredible crunch and we're pretty much the precursor to kettle-cooked potato chips.  I really miss these chips and have wished for years that Frito-Lay would bring them back for the masses to enjoy. 2.)  Micro M...

Red Baron vs Tombstone Pizza Taste Test As I discovered in my recent blog post..  Finding Comfort in the Worst Pizza You’ve Ever Had , a pizza doesn’t have to be fancy to bring comfort and good memories. Frozen pizza nights have always been part of growing up, whether it was a late night in college, a quick Friday dinner, or just a snack when nothing else sounded good. Today we’re putting two classic favorites head to head Red Baron and Tombstone to see which one comes out on top in flavor, ease, and nostalgia. From the first bite to the last, these pizzas are more than just convenience food.. they also bring a little slice of memory. Packaging and Presentation Red Baron keeps it simple with that classic red box and logo you know from the freezer aisle. Tombstone goes a little bigger with bold colors and promises of "bold flavors." Both are easy to find and fun to open, but I always get a little more excited about that Tombstone box. Something about it just feels more like...

If you grew up in the 70s, 80s, or even the 90s, you probably remember the same two bar soaps sitting on just about everyone’s bathroom counter: Irish Spring and Zest . Both were cheap, loud, memorable, and built their entire reputations on commercials that drilled their slogans straight into our brains. And because I’ve been on a little “old-school grooming” kick, I decided to go full retro and test them head-to-head again. I used each bar for over a week , real shower use, real Florida sweat, real life.. to see which one actually performs the best in 2025. Spoiler: one of them still holds the crown until someone proves me wrong. Irish Spring: The Heavy Hitter The classic version Irish Spring has always been the in-your-face, hit-you-with-a-green-brick-of-clean kind of soap. And honestly? It still is. What I Tested Daily showers Working outside Sweat-heavy days Multiple hand washes What I Noticed Cleaning power: Irish Spring still cuts through everything! Swea...

II almost bought a gigantic gummy bear today. I picked it up, admired it, imagined the pure childhood joy of tearing into it… and then I did something horrifyingly adult: I put it back on the shelf and kept walking. While I’m proud of myself for not succumbing to this ridiculous impulse buy, part of me scoffs and says, “Why the heck not? Be a little silly and ridiculous why dontcha?!” But the adult in me once again takes over and asks, “What are you gonna do… bite the head off of that giant gummy bear?.. then what?" Gummy candies are hands down my favorite type of candy. But this behemoth? I think it could be too much of a good thing. I’ve overdone it in the past with donuts and burgers the size of my head, and experience has taught me that more is not always better. When I was a kid? I fully believed adulthood meant unlimited bowls of cookies for breakfast , a fridge stocked with JOLT Cola & Mountain Dew, and a cabinet overflowing with cans of spray cheese...

Long before cable and satellite companies took over television, local TV networks ruled the airwaves. Outside of the twice-daily news broadcasts and the big prime-time shows from major networks, stations still had a ton of empty airtime to fill. And they got creative. Some stations simply leaned on endless reruns. But many produced their own original programming like morning kids’ shows, mid-morning talk shows, and, the crown jewel for many of us, the late-night hosted monster-movie and B-movie programs. This is exactly the category Big Chuck and Lil’ John fit into. The magic of Big Chuck and Lil’ John wasn’t just the movies they introduced. It was everything that happened around the movies. Right before and after the commercial breaks, the hosts really shined, riffing with each other, interacting with their small studio audience, and introducing the comedy skits they filmed ahead of time. The charm, the timing, the goofiness, it all blended into something uniquely local and unfor...

I’ve always had a tendency to come at things from a negative angle. Not because I want to, but because that’s what I was surrounded by growing up. It got ingrained in me. It’s not hardwired, but it’s been a default setting I’ve had to work really hard to change. A friend recently asked why I always jump to the worst case scenario before I make a decision. I told them it’s because I’m data driven. I play the odds. If something’s gone wrong 80 out of 100 times before, why would I expect anything different? They said something that really hit me.. “You throw that kind of energy out to the universe, and it comes right back.” I actually agree. I’ve known people who constantly talk about being unlucky, being born losers, and that nothing ever goes right for them. And it perpetuates that cycle. It’s like they’re magnetically attracting more of what they hate, just by believing that’s all they’ll ever get. I never went that far, but I did used to live by the motto.. “Expect the worst,...

If you grew up before the mid 2000's, there’s a good chance your morning cartoon lineup was powered by sugar and mascots. And few cereals hit that sweet spot better than Cookie Crisp. Back when I first wrote about the Cookie Crisp mascots in 2019, I had no idea it would take off the way it did. The post blew up with readers reminiscing about that wizard, that crook, that howling dog who made cookies for breakfast seem totally acceptable. But.. whether it’s a favorite cereal mascot or a classic frozen pizza like Red Baron and Tombstone , certain flavors and memories stick with us for decades. So here we are again, a few years later, with a fresh look at every Cookie Crisp mascot from the 1970s through today. No fluff, no filler. Just a nostalgic rewind through the mascots that made us yell “Cooooookie Crisp!” at the breakfast table. Cookie Jarvis — The Wizard of the 1970s Before the crooks, cops, and canines, Cookie Crisp started with a wizard. His name was Cookie Jarvis, and he...

Today was the day. The start of my new work week. The plan? Eat better. Eat earlier. Ease up on the coffee. Pack healthier lunches every day. Add more good options to dinner, no matter what I’m eating. And then, the old urge caught up with me. It wasn’t planned. I was just running late and didn’t have time to prep a healthy breakfast before leaving for work. And as it goes in modern life, McDonald’s is never far away. Now, I’m totally on board with eating less fast food. But if you know me, you know that the Egg McMuffin has always been my go-to for breakfast on the run. It’s got a decent protein to carb ratio, doesn’t wreck my calorie budget, and feels like the least guilty of the guilty pleasures. Anyway, on to the story. I pull into the first McDonald’s on my route, only to find both menu lanes packed. I could already tell it would be a 10 to 15 minute delay, which I technically had time for, but I wasn’t in the mood to risk it. So five miles down the road, I try another McDonald’s....