Why I cut my kids a little slack when it comes to procrastinating on science projects..


 
Here it is.  A last minute project I finished just minutes before my first period biology class in 8th grade.   I had a full week and a three day weekend to complete my construction of a plant cell, but as so many kids do.. I put it off and forgot about it until I woke up on Monday morning.  

At 6:30 a.m. I ran out to my old man's wood shop, and started scrounging for anything I could find.  I needed to construct something.. anything, so as not to get a big fat zero in the grade book.  I grabbed a piece of pine half buried beneath a pile of sawdust, and ran inside.  I scarfed down a bowl of Wheaties, got dressed, grabbed a hand full of markers, and ran to the bus stop.

After I boarded the school bus, I opened up my biology textbook, sat it next to me on the seat, and quickly began to transfer the likeness of a plant cell to the piece of pine on my lap.  It wasn't until trying to draw on a school bus, that I realized how bumpy of a ride they had.  I found myself praying for red traffic lights, and slow load times at every bus stop.  When the bus wasn't moving, I would draw with lightning speed.  When it was moving, I'd use my time for carefully coloring in shapes.

I got into class five minutes early, and spent that time labeling the different parts of the plant cell, and adding a few more accents so as to make it look like I had worked hard on my project.  The first thing Mr. Wertz did after roll call, was ask for the entire class to turn their projects in.  When I walked up to the desk and handed my plant cell made from pine to him, he looked at it, slowly stuck out his bottom lip, and uttered a slow "Hmmmm".  Walking back to my desk, I was sure I had instantly failed, but was relieved that I wasn't going to receive an incomplete grade.  

Imagine my surprise when our projects were given back to us at the end of the week, and discovered I scored a B-minus on my plant cell!  I've kept this project for the last 26 years, and I shake my head and smile every time I see it.  How the heck did I get a grade of B-minus for this project?!?  I wonder if Mr. Wertz felt sorry for me?  Maybe he thought my family was underprivileged and a slab of pine was all we could afford.  Maybe he just admired my skill at throwing something together last minute.  Whatever the case, I felt like I got away with a fast one, and was ecstatic about the grade.

I can't count how many times my kids have waited until Sunday afternoon to tell me I need to take them to the hobby store for a project that's due on Monday.  This always irks me, but I always try my best to cut them a little slack.  After all, I've been there before, and good planning is something that will come with age and experience.


5 Retro things I've always wanted

Congas and bongos

As a kid, I loved watching I Love Lucy reruns.  My favorite segments of the show were of Desi Arnaz performing in his nightclub The Tropicana. I was always enthralled with the skill and passion that Desi Arnaz oozed while singing and playing his percussion instruments.

I've never been an aspiring musician, but have always had the inkling to take up a musical instrument.  I've messed around with a few musical instruments in my time, but those from the percussion family have always been my favorites.  I did recently buy a modest pair of bongos, and really dig playing around with them.  Playing them feels so natural, and whenever I lay into them, beats come to mind out of nowhere.  Arranging them into rhythmic time with my hands, feels almost as easy as breathing.  I'm not entirely sure why I didn't get into trying my hand at them years ago, but better late than never.



A Ukelele


I'd love to own a ukulele, and learn how to play it.  To me, the ukuleles has always been an endearing instrument synonymous with Polynesian and tiki culture.  How cool would it be to pluck away at one of these at a tiki party, pool party, BBQ, camp fire, while relaxing on the beach, or lounging around in the backyard?  They're so small and compact, you could literally take them anywhere.  My daughter actually wanted one, so we got one for her as a gift.  She's taught herself how to play it, and can compose little ditty's very quickly.






A smoking jacket

Do I smoke?  No.  Am I an aspiring playboy?  Heck no.

I've just always thought smoking jackets were ultra swank!  As a young boy,  I used to see celebrities like Jackie Gleason, Sinatra, Dean Martin, Desi Arnaz, Sherman Hemsley aka George Jefferson, and Cary Grant donning flashy smoking jackets whilst relaxing and unwinding.



The purpose of the smoking jacket was quite simple.  A quality smoking jacket was/is an extremely comfortable garment, made for the express purpose of protecting underclothing from ashes and the smell of cigarette, cigar, or pipe smoke.  However, they also became widely accepted as a men's garment worn for domestic leisure.  Ah yes, I can imagine sitting back in my easy chair on a cold winter night in a soft silk smoking jacket, matching slippers, heck.. maybe even a fez.  No stogies or cigarette's.. just a good book and maybe a nice glass of cognac.  Now that's the good life!



Schwinn Phantom Bicycle
I've always loved the classic lines and styling of the 1950's Schwinn Phantom.  These bikes are extremely collectible now, and while I can't afford to buy a vintage model, I've found a happy medium that's quickly filling the void.  That would be in the form of my Schwinn Legacy Beach Cruiser. 

My bike features the same frame and similar styling to a classic Phantom, minus several bells and whistles.  I've spent the last couple of summers modifying and customizing the bike to my liking, and it brings me great joy to ride it.



A Pinky Ring
Go ahead and laugh.  Most people including my bride usually chuckle or roll their eyes when I tell them I'm in the market for one.  However.. that just makes me want to get one even worse!  Sinatra, Tony Soprano, heck... even Dr. Evil wore pinky rings.  How can they not be cool?  Actually, ever since I was a kid and saw my old man wearing a pinky ring he bought back in the 60's, I've wanted one.  His ring had a lion head with red ruby's for the eyes.  The fact that my mother didn't care for it, further added to the excitement of getting one.  As a kid I got several cheap steel rings from bubble gum machines that I donned as pinky rings.  I remember one featuring a gorilla face, the other the wolf-man, and of course being a child of the 70's, had a gaggle of mood rings.  It seemed like I was always cleaning a perpetual green stain from my finger that those cheap things would leave behind, but I loved them and wore every one until the broke or wore out.

That's it for now.  Trust me.. I've got a huge retro want list.  These were just the first five things that came to mind, so I may have to continue this topic at a later date.  Are there any retro items that you've always wanted, but just haven't got around to buying yet?

Crap that's stuck in my head. The retro pop culture phrase.. "How do you Dooooooo?"

As a young boy, my friends and I would greet each other on occasion with an exuberant "How do you doooooooo?"  What's more, we always did so in our best fake foreign accents.  We had all heard our older siblings, uncles, fathers, actors, comedians, and cartoon characters utter this very phrase.  However, none of us knew where said phrase came from.  Heck..  I've wondered where the phrase originated from for most of my life.  Now.. thirty some odd years later, I finally put two and two together and figured out the mystery.


One of my favorite XM Satellite radio stations is Radio Classics, which plays old time radio shows non stop.   While listening to one of my favorite shows called Duffy's Tavern.. a character whom bar patrons referred to as The Mad Russian, uttered "How do you Dooooooooo?" as he entered the bar, bring an instantaneous roar of laughter from the audience.  It was during the shows closing credits, that I learned the part of The Mad Russian was played by actor Bert Gordon.

Gordon broke onto the Vaudeville scene in 1914, and got into performing in radio during the 1930's.  He appeared throughout the early 40's in both films and radio as his character "The Mad Russian." The actor's character was known for his "steel wool" haircut, ears that wiggled, and of course his famous catch phrases, "How do you do" and "Do you mean it?".  Gordon's tag lines and likeness even appeared in several Warner Bros. cartoons of the period such as the Bugs Bunny cartoon Hare Ribbin'.  Gordon's career was all but over by 1950, and his last filmed appearance was in a 1964 episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show in which he played himself.

So there you have it my friends.. a brief insight into the phrase "How Do you Dooooo?"  Next time you hear this obscure phrase (and believe me.. someday you will) you can share some insight on the matter with anyone that happens to be within earshot!



6 retro phrases that I miss hearing..


I'm old school. I know know it, I'm fine with it, and I own it. This old school attitude also carries over into my linguistics, and I occasionally catch young punks people off guard with older sayings I utter. It didn't dawn on me until recently, that many of the phrases I use are quite old. I guess it should come as no surprise, because my parents and grand parents are where I learned most of them.

In no particular order, here are some old sayings I truly miss hearing but still use on a regular basis.

Fair to Middlin'
My grandfather used to love this one.  When I'm asked how I'm doing by an older person, or a Good Ol' Boy from down south or back east, I respond with "Fair to Middlin'". They get a kick out of it, and they totally recognize the old saying. Apparently the word Middling had to do with the best grade of cotton in the old days. Therefore, Fair to middlin' means you're somewhere between fair and very good. 

That really gets my goat!
For some reason, horses can act calmer and be less stressed with goats in their company. Race horses are no exception, and were often boarded with goats for this reason. A horse can get irritated or upset if their goat companion is taken away from them, which is supposedly how this saying came to life.

Blow your cap
Not sure of the origin on this one, but my friends and I always used to say it when we were referring to getting angry, or losing ones cool.

Judas Priest!!
Used in place of taking Jesus Christ's name in vain when angry. A lot of my childhood friends fathers and grandfathers used this one quite regularly.

They're 100 pounds soaking wet with 10 pound boots on.
Used in reference to scrawny, skinny, or petite folks.

Son of a biscuit!
Used in place of the uncouth alternative. Mind you.. this is a widely used saying in my workplace. One of my workmates who is a bit older, uses this very phrase along with "Shucks" as alternatives to foul language. Others at our company found it so amusing, that everyone who knows him has started repeating the phrases in lieu of using profanity!

I've got tons more, but I'm really dying to learn what old sayings and phrases you personally love, miss, and still use to this day. Let's hear them!