Another edition of.. Holy crap I AM turning into my parents!


No need for deep philosophical discussion on this topic, but here's a few things I've noticed about myself lately..



New music sounds like crap to me
I kid you not, even the so called good music doesn't sound good to me at all.  I hear maybe half a dozen songs a year from new artists that I like.  I find myself ever more listening to older music from the 50's through the 80's and sorely missing the good old days. 

I have more coupons in my wallet than money
I may not be loaded with scrilla, but by god.. I can get a heck of a good deal on two pizzas with garlic bread, or a four wheel tire rotation and alignment!
 

I get irritated with cheaply made products
My regular readers know what I'm talking about.  I sometimes get on rants for days about cheap plastic crap that Wal-Mart sells.  Whether it's a cheap sprinkler, a spatula, or hair dryer, I'm steadily buying more and more vintage items for everyday use, and laughing all the way to the bank.

Fast food doesn't taste as good as it used to
Two years ago I was the king of fast food, and even had a web-site dedicated to artery pounding monstrosities that I had conquered.  Due to a health scare, I've greatly changed my eating habits since that time.  When I do dine on fast food..  it really doesn't do anything for me.  Well.. except for maybe giving me an upset stomach, and feelings of guilt for treating my body like a tent rather than a temple. 

I'm more at peace with the way I look
Everyone has things about their appearance that they don't like.  Suddenly this year, none of my old personal hang ups seem to matter as much as they used to.  Life is too short to sweat superficial things, and it will just take away from a whole lot of living I need to do.

I guess these things aren't necessarily bad, just a wake up call that I've really changed, and will probably continue to do so as I get older.  The thought of becoming more like my parents used to horrify me, but now I don't view it as a bad thing.  If I ever start mowing the lawn in slippers and black socks however, someone will need to slap me.

The retro phrase.. "Light a match"


Light a Match
 
[ lyght - a - mach ]

retro phrase
  1. The act of striking a match and letting it burn after one is finished expelling bodily waste. A means of bathroom etiquette used to eradicate unpleasant lingering odors produced by ones own excrement.

I'll let you in on a little secret.  I sometimes challenge myself to use various retro phrases in my daily context five times during a day.  Surprisingly, I found that the phrase "Light a match" wasn't too hard to work into conversation.  Living in a house with a family of five, and given some of the guys I work with..  the task was indeed all too easy.


I remember this phrase being used quite a bit when I was a young boy.  I also recall lots of people practicing this nearly extinct form of bathroom etiquette.  As memories go, family gatherings and parties stand out the most, in regards to this.  When my family used to get together, the house would literally be bursting at the seams.  We'd have spreads of food big enough to feed a small army, and everyone always ate their fill.  Shortly after dessert was when foot traffic to the bathroom steadily began increasing.  In fact, it's probably safe to say that the commode was pretty much occupied for the rest of the evening.

I remember some of my aunts telling their husbands discreetly to "light a match" after they were finished.  My uncles on the other hand, would not so discreetly say things to the kids like..  "Geezaloo! Get back in this bathroom and light a match!".  That type of bathroom humor always got everyone in earshot laughing their heads off.


Mind you, the smell of sulfur dioxide burning from the tip of a match isn't the most pleasant odor.  However, it sure beats what lingers in the air after a person is done making a deposit, or.. taking a load off of their mind.  The sulfur overpowers and even knocks out the toughest of stench.  Although.. I've known a few folks who could stand to light an extra match after they're done vacating the premises.



I can only relate the decline in this practice to a matchbook shortage.  Back in the day, virtually every business gave away free matchbooks.  My old man always had matchbook's in his cars, the garage, the junk drawer, the medicine cabinet, and he didn't even smoke.

I've got to say, this is one of my old man's habits that has indeed rubbed off on me, and yes.. I keep a matchbook in my bathroom at all times.  On occasion, the kids walk into the bathroom, hold their nose, and complain about the smell of a struck match.  I just laugh and kindly remind them that they should be thanking me for doing this.

Older is better! Example #126.. Lawn sprinklers

I've lived in my home for about a decade and a half now, and this afternoon I realized something. I have a pile of sprinklers and none of them work efficiently. That is.. if they still work at all. What's worse, is that I can't even begin to count the ones that I've thrown away over the years!

Over the last nine years I've bought oscillating sprinklers, stationary sprinklers, pulsating sprinklers, adjustable sprinklers, misting sprinklers, rain wave sprinklers, traveling tractor sprinklers, spinning sprinklers, rotary sprinklers, impulse sprinklers, and fun sprinklers for the kids to play in.

Heck, it feels like I could have gotten a sprinkler system installed for all of the money I've wasted on the garbage I've bought at Home Depot, Lowes, and Wal Mart over the last fifteen summers! I'm embarrassed to say I spent $60.00 on a sprinkler I bought last year which is now broken this season.

Do you know how many sprinklers my parents owned while I was growing up? One. That's right.. ONE metal sprinkler. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times.. things are simply not built to last anymore. I've had sprinklers break simply from one summer of sitting in the sun, or even by just pulling them from the ground. I'm SO sick of buying inferior, cheaply made products made half way around the world!

I almost went to Home Depot to buy yet another disposable sprinkler, but when I realized what I was doing, I slapped myself upside the head. Instead, I'm going to follow suit once again with something I've been doing more as of late, and that is buying vintage. I'm going to visit a few thrift stores to try and find an old school sprinkler. You know.. the ones from the 50's, 60's, or 70's that you might still see in your parents or grandparents garage. They're made out of aluminum or steel, have no cheap plastic parts, and were constructed in the good old U.S.A. If I can't find them in the second hand stores, then I will buy one off of eBay where they're more than abundant.


Depending on the item, buying retro is definitely the way to go if you want true staying power. Our society used to have a much different view of consumerism several decades ago. Things used to be made to last, so you could spend your hard earned money on more important things. Even when things did break, you could easily obtain replacement parts to fix them. If it were a bit out of your grasp to do a repair on something like an appliance, you could then take the item to a fix-it shop, or somewhere else to get it repaired. Throwing things away was a last resort when I was a kid. It always makes me feel a bit better about myself when I can reduce unnecessary waste going into landfills. Who'd of thought going retro could be a form of sustainability in itself!?!

How about you? Are there vintage items you personally prefer to use over new ones?  Are you fed up with the state of consumerism in regards to cheap and inferior products?  If so, feel free to chime in.